I used to have insomnia whenever I'm excited over something eg. first day of school - this stopped after I realised well, school isn't that exciting.
To me, sleep is an avenue of escape.
Why? Because some people can't (sleep) when they are upset, angry and whatnot.
But when I am feeling so, I sleep.
So when I lack of it, it's either I'm excited or I'm mahjonging, ha. The more hip term years ago would be partying but that's history.
And thus insomnia or lack of sleep is usually a good thing for me.
My life is bland now.
I've been trying to inject some fun, excitement and differences but have not been quite successful.
Just 2 days ago, I was rethinking the idea of getting a Masters.
And then getting braces, Invisalign to be exact.
Don't get me wrong, these are not impulsive thoughts.
But HY said I'm just bored and should just consider being a mum.
I know I will be one day, maybe soon.
But I'm just waiting for the flat to be here and it's happening soon.
Beside, what difference does a year or even two really make?
I've not achieved much.
And I don't want to look back in regrets years later or even blame the child for 'ruining' my plans or chances.
Alright, it's not like I have big plans but something along the line you know?
I'm not motivated at work.
There are loads to do this year but somehow, I'm just not as keen as before.
Is it because there's nothing worth fighting for and there's no need to prove myself?
Or ultimately, everything boils down to me not being genuinely happy ever since...
I'm not blaming anyone.
But no one really talks about it anymore and sometimes, I wish I can.
And when we do talk about it in a matter-of-factly manner, it hurts.
Because we are trying our best to be rational while suppressing our feelings.
Perhaps this is why I want changes right now. Changes that I can make them happen.
To divert my attention, to give me new hope, to make me smile again.
For a start, I'm trying to change myself - to be less involved, less bossy and to stop thinking that everyone needs me.
Perhaps I'm just too free... so till I figure out what changes work for me, I shall enjoy the next 4 days in HK :)
This is what I'm excited about and thank goodness for that.
To me, sleep is an avenue of escape.
Why? Because some people can't (sleep) when they are upset, angry and whatnot.
But when I am feeling so, I sleep.
So when I lack of it, it's either I'm excited or I'm mahjonging, ha. The more hip term years ago would be partying but that's history.
And thus insomnia or lack of sleep is usually a good thing for me.
My life is bland now.
I've been trying to inject some fun, excitement and differences but have not been quite successful.
Just 2 days ago, I was rethinking the idea of getting a Masters.
And then getting braces, Invisalign to be exact.
Don't get me wrong, these are not impulsive thoughts.
But HY said I'm just bored and should just consider being a mum.
I know I will be one day, maybe soon.
But I'm just waiting for the flat to be here and it's happening soon.
Beside, what difference does a year or even two really make?
I've not achieved much.
And I don't want to look back in regrets years later or even blame the child for 'ruining' my plans or chances.
Alright, it's not like I have big plans but something along the line you know?
I'm not motivated at work.
There are loads to do this year but somehow, I'm just not as keen as before.
Is it because there's nothing worth fighting for and there's no need to prove myself?
Or ultimately, everything boils down to me not being genuinely happy ever since...
I'm not blaming anyone.
But no one really talks about it anymore and sometimes, I wish I can.
And when we do talk about it in a matter-of-factly manner, it hurts.
Because we are trying our best to be rational while suppressing our feelings.
Perhaps this is why I want changes right now. Changes that I can make them happen.
To divert my attention, to give me new hope, to make me smile again.
For a start, I'm trying to change myself - to be less involved, less bossy and to stop thinking that everyone needs me.
Perhaps I'm just too free... so till I figure out what changes work for me, I shall enjoy the next 4 days in HK :)
This is what I'm excited about and thank goodness for that.
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