Two.:.Four.:.Six

It's been a month since my last entry and I can't believe how quick things have fallen into place. A week before CNY, I received a call from my ex boss about a role they would like to offer me. The next morning, I contacted my potential boss and in the afternoon, I went for an interview. By evening, I more or less got the job. Two days later, I spoke to HR and on Valentine's Day, which is another few days later, I got an official offer. Although it was lower than expected, I accepted it and celebrated CNY in peace. Received the employment contract yesterday and I'd be joining a new team in about three weeks time. Announced the closure of eleventh two days ago and have received many smses and calls. I'm touched by their kind words. I'm blessed I believe and I hope this is the start of all things good.

With 2016 being such a dramatic and emotional year, 2017 was a lot more peaceful. In 2017, I've learned to deal with missing popo, learned to live with the memories she has left us and learned to be less attached to people and things around me because you know, one day, we are all nothing. In 2017, I made 10 trips to Seoul, one of which joined by my family. It has gotten easier although each time I'm there, I thought of the November 2016 trip. I've also concluded my buying trips and won't be taking on more in the new year. In 2017, I managed to have two personal holidays, one with the brother and the other with Fat. One was extremely hot and the other cold. Climate change is something we all need to pay more attention to. In 2017, we finally bought a car. I would never have imagined we would one day own an Audi but we do now. In 2018, I'm looking forward to the changes and I hope it's for the better. May everyone stay healthy and happy.

So your first year death anniversary has came and gone. And I think almost everyone is better than a year ago. Still, we all miss you. I can't pinpoint the one thing I miss most about you. Is it your voice? Is it your cooking? Is it the final goodbye? Or is it just you being there? We are never quite ready for death are we?

This is the 19th month I've been running a business and there were times I couldn't believe it myself. Me? Someone who is not driven by numbers, hates targets and knows almost nothing about running a business. But I survived. I wanted a breakeven in the first year but it came six months later. Still pretty good results if I dare say so I can't be that bad after all?

We are 6 months to the end of the 2-year lease and I have not quite decided the next step. A few shops around us have decided to exit and business has also slowed down the last few months. It's really not easy to sustain and push yourself forward sometimes. But one thing's for sure, even if I do decide to stop next year, I have gained valuable experience and fulfilled my childhood dream; and these are good enough.

Today I walk past a senior citizen corner. I saw some of them dressed in those floral blouses you used to wear. They were watching a Cantonese drama. I thought of you immediately and I didn't dare look at the old folks. I always look away whenever I see an old lady who dresses like you or who is in a wheelchair or with a domestic helper. I'm afraid if I stare at that person any longer, I would miss you even more. But the fact is, I miss you a lot. I think of you everyday. And I'm not alone. I've cried lesser nowadays. But I have not stopped reminding myself the good and happy times, the things you said; the things you would say. Why are you gone so soon?