Two.:.Four.:.Six

It feels like the end of the world but it's not. Or maybe a really bad nightmare. But it's not. Time heals all wounds. But it doesn't (heal) scars. Time reminds you the distance between us. That you are long gone. The pain, I have no words for. The tears, I have no control of. Well, sometimes I try to hold them back and sometimes, I allow myself to be defiant and cry out loud. I'm worried to hold you back with those tears but I'm worried I'd stop thinking of you one day. That one day, everyone pretends you never happened. Or that we forget something along the way. People say life goes on. Sure it does. Without you that is. 2016, I fucking hate you. I know this too will pass and when I'm more at peace, I'd be able to forgive you. But I'd never forget. I'd learn to let go instead.

My dearest popo, if you can hear me right now, even though we are miles away, I just want to say THANK YOU. Thank you for taking care of me and playing a significant role in my childhood. Thank you for making sure we always eat well and enough. I'm not on a diet and will take my meals regularly. Thank you for cooking a feast whenever we are over at your place. Your pride is to see us polish all the food and we have never failed you. Thank you for cooking the fish congee for us everyday when we were young and although I hate it now, I know it was good for us. I remember it was you who got me off the pacifier cos you said I'm going to school and shouldn't be sucking one. I threw it away immediately and you praised me. I remember you told me to pay attention in class and not talk and when I did, I would return home feeling very guilty. I remember you used to chase us around the table, threatening to cane us but it was always an empty threat. Except that one time I ...

I have been trying to deal with my grandpa's death and it's not as easy as I thought. While I'm not grieving dramatically, I realised it's not easy at all to accept death. You wonder what you could have done, better. You wonder if the deceased has any regrets. You wonder where he/she is now. You think about a lot of things. Now that we are getting ready for my grandma's, I have been reading up on articles related to death and this speaks to me. I'm just going to pull out the main points. 1) When the end comes, loss is loss, and you can't always prepare for it nor predict it. We thought we were going to lose my grandpa sooner but we eventually did when we least expected it. Now that we know we are losing my grandma progressively, there's no way to predict or know when exactly that day is. All we can do is to cherish our remaining time & days with her and make her as comfortable as possible.  2) People are not always able to leave thei...

1. Acknowledge the person who greets you A hello, thank you or even a smile won't kill you will it? I make it a point to greet almost everyone who walks in and out, whether or not they have bought something and while most people do acknowledge and return the greetings, some just ignore me completely. I take it that they weren't taught manners but strangely, it's not something difficult to pick up. On Saturday, this couple in their 20s walked in. Gf was browsing and bf was staring at my aunt who was seated on the bench. My cousin's bag happened to be on the bench too and he was staring so hard as if he was trying to tell us he wanted a seat or needed something. And so I asked him if I could help him and he turned into defensive mode 101, claimed he didn't need anything and that his gf was browsing. Gf asked him what happened and he mumbled something, to which his gf replied, "because you were standing there la..." (as in near the counter, in front of ...