Two.:.Four.:.Six

Deleting everything may not help. But it's a start somehow. And it's a sign. I should learn...

It's obvious 2007 is coming to an end soon. I don't really want to have a '2007 summary entry' cos I don't quite want to look back. I know, I don't have to if I don't want to. But I also know that by not looking back, it doesn't change the fact that towards the end of the year, it hasn't been too good for me. Well, there are always ups & downs. All I know is I want 2008 to start off well. But the more I want it to be good, the more I feel it's not gonna be. Pessimistic me acting up again. Any resolutions for the new year? I just want to be happy. What a simple yet difficult-to-achieve reply. Is our happiness in our hands or others'? I believe it's both. I just want to be happy... Who doesn't?

If I give others an opportunity to do this and that to me and then complain why they shouldn't or should be doing this and that, it's not their fault. Seriously, it's mine!

I must have been a bad ger this year. If not why am I ending the year being single (again) and very sick (again & again)? I always tell myself tomorrow will be a better day. I want 2008 to be a better one too. But I always break the promises I made to myself. I'm really happy for you. I've said before, you deserve someone better. Yes, I'm a lousy girlfriend. Ha, that explains why I'm single. I've been catching up on my sleep. With the help of medicine of course. But do you realise that there are some things that you can't catch once you lose them. Time is one. Love... is a totally complicated issue on its own. Anyway, I gotta catch some sleep and get my arse back to work tomorrow. Hope you've enjoyed your Christmas. I'm thankful my girlies didn't shun me away while I was coughing my lungs out. And I hope no one got my virus. Love you :)

I always needed time on my own I never thought I'd need you there when I cry And the days feel like years when I'm alone And the bed where you lie is made up on your side When you walk away I count the steps that you take Do you see how much I need you right now [Chorus] When you're gone The pieces of my heart are missing you When you're gone The face I came to know is missing too When you're gone The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok I miss you I've never felt this way before Everything that I do reminds me of you And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do When you walk away I count the steps that you take Do you see how much I need you right now [Chorus] We were made for each other Out here forever I know we were, yeah All I ever wanted was for you to know Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me,...

Wedding at M Hotel on the 9th: I know, the smile's not natural and I look too white but I love the dress. Well, at least people do find true love in Eastern. It was a simple wedding. There were empty seats, the MC was, well, I think I can do better; and the food was average, considering that I could only take 2 dishes. But we could see the joy & love in them. That's what counts eventually - not a beautiful wedding but a blissful marriage... It's easy to find someone to share the happy moments with you but you also need that someone to stay with you during the not-so-happy moments and walk through (it) with you. ____________________________________ Christmas Party at Robertson Quay Hotel, Orchard & St James on the 15th: Made a few wrong turns before reaching the hotel and entering the carpark was quite a challenge. You know it's really bad when you don't expect much yet get disappointed. The room can't fit me. I must be growing too fast. I was actually th...

Some time later, I can be the happy girl I once was. With or without you. Some time later, I am still the (rather) smart girl, in fact even wiser. Thanks to you. Some time later, I will find someone who truly loves me, for who I am and I will do the same, in fact even better. And that someone won't be you.

Lately, my thoughts & actions freak me out. I start to wonder what kind of person I've turned into. I force myself to think hard but often, I just give up. I know it's self-denial but who cares? I deserve a break. For now. I'm actually thinking of closing this blog but being the sentimental me (ya, it's just a barely 6mths old blog, what sentimental values right? Yup, that's 'me'.), I'll probably not. "Perhaps you have already let go but with your character & some other factors, it seems otherwise." I kinda agree. I feel sorry for us.

Is something I cannot tolerate. But I, I am stupid.

After this I promise. For the last time, we are not together. And will never be. Ever again. That I promise too.

My cousin always says, "Agency life is like that..." whenever I tell her about my long working hours, pressurising deadlines and whatnot. Not only that, my 'agency life' includes late dinners (sometimes none), lack of sleep, lack of social life, lack of time and lack of enthusiasm in most things. Ha, I sound like a loser... Alright, it's actually not that bad. A friend came to pick me up for dinner the other day. It was such an impromptu appointment, arranged over MSN - Are you done soon?, Do you want dinner?, I know where's your office, Be there at 8pm . And after turning into a few carparks, we settled for a simple meal at Lavender food court, accompanied by conversations that involve properties & car purchases, his rich friends, spending Christmas overseas, etc. For a poor girl like me, I wished to relate to the things he said but unfortunately, barely. Well, it's probably a good thing to hang out with him more often since he has lots of rich & ...

Do not pack my weekend with too many activities especially when it's a working Saturday. Saturday: office - Sitex Fair - Hereen's NYDC - Bishan's Swensens - Bishan's GV for Enchanted Sunday: Marina Square - Orchard (again) - Dinner The price of enjoying good food & being the extras of a family - $xx But at least it got us an invitation to the 'birthday bash' next year. More travelling plans in 2008. Oh, forgot...screw the plans! Never mind with who. It may be you, he or she. Does it matter? We always want to be in control but often, others have already beaten us to that. Didn't they already decided you're strong enough to handle everything when they hurt you? Didn't they already decided you're better off alone when they walk away and never return? Didn't they already decided your misery is nothing as compared to theirs when they chose their happy paths, leaving you to search for yours? So, really, who's the one in control? Just when I...

"Love is a fantasy. One day, you will have to wake up and face the reality..."

You know how you have someone who plan to do this and that with you, only to have that same someone tell you, sorry, it's over, we do not have to follow my, your and our plans anymore. So, screw the plans! Why lure people to your trap and then let them go when they have already fallen too deep into it? I hate you!

Sometimes I would love to take a break. But I can only tell myself to keep running. Reminding myself the finishing line is out there somewhere. And that I just gotta keep going until I see it. This morning, I was trying to recall which day this week my friend is back and I received his "hey, I'm back sms" just now. It's good to have him back. I don't see why there can't be platonic friendship. I wish there's someone who can take me somewhere....

Is always too short. Half of Sunday is gone and I have yet to start on my work. Yesterday was well-spent, as always. Did a little shopping (ha, what's new?), Manicure & Pedicure And had some good food. Which mostly, I didn't get to enjoy. But they promised me another day so I'll wait. Although BUDDY threatened to confiscate our souvenirs, we know she was just kidding. More pouches for me. And I also have more fridge magnets. My favourite although it looks a little freaky. The complete set. I want to travel too! Looking at my bank account, perhaps Sentosa is the best I can offer myself. *** Fishes have a memory span of 5 secs. Would you want that? You can forget the bad ones but you won't remember the good ones too. Would you want that?

I never thought I'd be sitting there saying those things. How does it feel to be the other woman or man? I was shocked. Disappointed. Angry. I guess the truth is always more difficult to accept when you least expected it. Why & how did it turn out this way? I've watched so much TV yet didn't realise some episodes are for real. I don't have to watch the last episode to know what's the ending like. Good luck. What will you do if you realise you're pregnant after you end a relationship/marriage? Will you a) be a single mum b) try to work things out with your ex bf/husband for the sake of the baby c) abort the baby and keep mum about the matter I'll most likely go for (c). There's no right or wrong option isn't it?

Today is another one of those days. That I feel like quitting. That makes me wonder how I'm gonna survive through. I did anyway. Tues' outfit. Decided to dress down and a client asked to meet up. How lucky could I get? My 1st (small) project and it went well. Wed's outfit. Had a meeting and gosh, the client is gorgeous. It's been a busy & stressful week so decided to have a break... Which led to a very tired me today I'm so glad it's over and Friday is here soon!