Two.:.Four.:.Six

Deleting everything may not help. But it's a start somehow. And it's a sign. I should learn...

It's obvious 2007 is coming to an end soon. I don't really want to have a '2007 summary entry' cos I don't quite want to look back. I know, I don't have to if I don't want to. But I also know that by not looking back, it doesn't change the fact that towards the end of the year, it hasn't been too good for me. Well, there are always ups & downs. All I know is I want 2008 to start off well. But the more I want it to be good, the more I feel it's not gonna be. Pessimistic me acting up again. Any resolutions for the new year? I just want to be happy. What a simple yet difficult-to-achieve reply. Is our happiness in our hands or others'? I believe it's both. I just want to be happy... Who doesn't?

If I give others an opportunity to do this and that to me and then complain why they shouldn't or should be doing this and that, it's not their fault. Seriously, it's mine!

I must have been a bad ger this year. If not why am I ending the year being single (again) and very sick (again & again)? I always tell myself tomorrow will be a better day. I want 2008 to be a better one too. But I always break the promises I made to myself. I'm really happy for you. I've said before, you deserve someone better. Yes, I'm a lousy girlfriend. Ha, that explains why I'm single. I've been catching up on my sleep. With the help of medicine of course. But do you realise that there are some things that you can't catch once you lose them. Time is one. Love... is a totally complicated issue on its own. Anyway, I gotta catch some sleep and get my arse back to work tomorrow. Hope you've enjoyed your Christmas. I'm thankful my girlies didn't shun me away while I was coughing my lungs out. And I hope no one got my virus. Love you :)

I always needed time on my own I never thought I'd need you there when I cry And the days feel like years when I'm alone And the bed where you lie is made up on your side When you walk away I count the steps that you take Do you see how much I need you right now [Chorus] When you're gone The pieces of my heart are missing you When you're gone The face I came to know is missing too When you're gone The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok I miss you I've never felt this way before Everything that I do reminds me of you And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do When you walk away I count the steps that you take Do you see how much I need you right now [Chorus] We were made for each other Out here forever I know we were, yeah All I ever wanted was for you to know Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me,...

Wedding at M Hotel on the 9th: I know, the smile's not natural and I look too white but I love the dress. Well, at least people do find true love in Eastern. It was a simple wedding. There were empty seats, the MC was, well, I think I can do better; and the food was average, considering that I could only take 2 dishes. But we could see the joy & love in them. That's what counts eventually - not a beautiful wedding but a blissful marriage... It's easy to find someone to share the happy moments with you but you also need that someone to stay with you during the not-so-happy moments and walk through (it) with you. ____________________________________ Christmas Party at Robertson Quay Hotel, Orchard & St James on the 15th: Made a few wrong turns before reaching the hotel and entering the carpark was quite a challenge. You know it's really bad when you don't expect much yet get disappointed. The room can't fit me. I must be growing too fast. I was actually th...

Some time later, I can be the happy girl I once was. With or without you. Some time later, I am still the (rather) smart girl, in fact even wiser. Thanks to you. Some time later, I will find someone who truly loves me, for who I am and I will do the same, in fact even better. And that someone won't be you.

Lately, my thoughts & actions freak me out. I start to wonder what kind of person I've turned into. I force myself to think hard but often, I just give up. I know it's self-denial but who cares? I deserve a break. For now. I'm actually thinking of closing this blog but being the sentimental me (ya, it's just a barely 6mths old blog, what sentimental values right? Yup, that's 'me'.), I'll probably not. "Perhaps you have already let go but with your character & some other factors, it seems otherwise." I kinda agree. I feel sorry for us.

Is something I cannot tolerate. But I, I am stupid.

After this I promise. For the last time, we are not together. And will never be. Ever again. That I promise too.

My cousin always says, "Agency life is like that..." whenever I tell her about my long working hours, pressurising deadlines and whatnot. Not only that, my 'agency life' includes late dinners (sometimes none), lack of sleep, lack of social life, lack of time and lack of enthusiasm in most things. Ha, I sound like a loser... Alright, it's actually not that bad. A friend came to pick me up for dinner the other day. It was such an impromptu appointment, arranged over MSN - Are you done soon?, Do you want dinner?, I know where's your office, Be there at 8pm . And after turning into a few carparks, we settled for a simple meal at Lavender food court, accompanied by conversations that involve properties & car purchases, his rich friends, spending Christmas overseas, etc. For a poor girl like me, I wished to relate to the things he said but unfortunately, barely. Well, it's probably a good thing to hang out with him more often since he has lots of rich & ...

Do not pack my weekend with too many activities especially when it's a working Saturday. Saturday: office - Sitex Fair - Hereen's NYDC - Bishan's Swensens - Bishan's GV for Enchanted Sunday: Marina Square - Orchard (again) - Dinner The price of enjoying good food & being the extras of a family - $xx But at least it got us an invitation to the 'birthday bash' next year. More travelling plans in 2008. Oh, forgot...screw the plans! Never mind with who. It may be you, he or she. Does it matter? We always want to be in control but often, others have already beaten us to that. Didn't they already decided you're strong enough to handle everything when they hurt you? Didn't they already decided you're better off alone when they walk away and never return? Didn't they already decided your misery is nothing as compared to theirs when they chose their happy paths, leaving you to search for yours? So, really, who's the one in control? Just when I...

"Love is a fantasy. One day, you will have to wake up and face the reality..."